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Predictions for the 2007 Season

You teach me baseball and I'll teach you relativity . . . no we must not. You will learn about relativity faster than I learn baseball."
— Albert Einstein

Yes Albert, baseball is a sport for the knowledgeable ones, like yourself. So the rite of spring has arrived — time for warm weather, hot dogs, green grass, and America's pastime. But first, just a few thoughts before we get going here:
1. Who cares about Anna Nicole Smith, her baby, her lawyer, her kids, or her mom? The gal played with fire her whole life, just another crash and burn statistic. If it was my millionaire father she married, I would just wonder what I've been wondering all along, WHY IS THIS NEWS???!!!
2. American Idol is not a good show, and the ratings will be sinking faster then Rudy Giuliani's poll numbers by the end of May.
3. Are there any good movies anymore? [Editor's Note: Yes. Click here or here.] Ones that stay on top for more than two weeks? Seems like a good movie is about as rare as a smart quote from Pete Rose. Oh yeah Pete, did you really think saying you bet on every game was going to help you get into the Hall? Better hire a publicist.
4. Michael Jackson is going to Vegas, the only place on the planet there are little or no kids. Let's see how long this lasts. Enough of the Hollyweird stuff (sorry Joe Scarborough) and on to baseball!

The National League
N.L. East — I like the Phils to finish first, the Mets second, and the Braves third. The Phils have put together another great team for their fans. With the added starters Adam "Ant" Eaton and Freddy "Don't Call Me Jerry" Garcia, the Phils have a formidable starting five. Their first 22 of 28 are against NL east foes, so a bad April could be the end of Charlie Manuel "Labor's" tenure at the helm. The Mets/Pests will be in line for a wildcard, since last year's choke job in the NLCS should burn in their minds most of the season. The Braves/Slaves have a great bullpen now and may surprise a few by the end of August.

N.L. Central, Home of the World Champs — The Cards were the unlikely champs last year with just 83 wins in the regular season. They have some questions this year in their lineup and some baggage off the field with Tony "I can't call a cab even though I'm a lawyer" La Russa getting slammed in Florida for DWI. Nice going Tony, must have been hanging out with Ted Kennedy at the compound. Well this is going to be a close race right to the end with the Cubs and Soriano, Wood and "Not So Sweet" Lou Piniella giving chase to the Cards and the Stros.

N.L. West — Last year, somehow, the Dodgers with eggshell JD Drew got in the playoffs. This won't happen again unless an earthquake knocks out the rest of the division. I like the Giants and Pads to fight this one out. Oh yeah, Trevor Hoffman is not going to be a great until he can do it when it counts! Sorry Trevor, Mariano is still the best. I don't care how many saves you get.

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The American League
In the American league AKA the junior circuit I like — well I'm not going to dignify the DH rule with a skinny for them. Just want to say the Dead Sox got what they wanted in JD Drew. With his first hangnail he'll be on the DL for a week. See how much you like it then. Also DICE MAN "K" the 100 million pitcher for the Dead Sox, had a sub .500 year just 2 years ago. He will be booed out of that town by next month if he gets off to a bad start. I guess if I had to pick a team to win it all I'll go with the Angels and MVP candidate Vladimir Guerrero. See you at the ball park.

— Johnny "Prime Time" Maz

see also around the horn:
2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003 | 2002 | 2001

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