send questions
or comments to
the Commissioner

official site

Preseason Skinny for the 2008 Season

[Editor's Note: We received the skinny after Week 1, but didn't get it up online until after Week 7. My bad. Marty's picks were made before the start of the season.]

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." — Vince Lombardi

Vince says it all with the above quote. The greatest American trophy, in our most exciting spectator sport, is named after the "Jersey Genius".

The 2007 season ended with a bang, in a Super Bowl with more story lines than an Agatha Christie murder mystery novel. The Giants turned the sports world on its ear with a shocking victory over the undefeated and untied New England Patriots. My son James and daughter Kimmy are still in a daze every time we're together and hear or see the lowlights from that game. Well good luck Asante with the Beagles. Hope the Eagle fans are more classy than we were to you. (Eagle fans are very patient.)

The AFC
Well, week 1 has come and gone and it's needless to say what the number one headline was. With Brady down and out, and Cassel unproven, the Pats seem destined for a 6 win season. To think the same thing is going to happen when Drew Bledsoe went down in 01 has about as much chance as Manny Ramirez playing for the Red Sox next year. So I see the J-E-T-S!/Not Yets with Brett "I'll retire in 2020" Favre at the helm gaining the AFC East by a slim margin over the Buffs. The Spills were most impressive in week 1 vs. the Seahawks, but it's the Seahawks. World beaters they're not. Pats and the Fish will be gaming for last place.

In the AFC North, I can see the Steelers with a bigger bounce this year than Sarah Palin gave the Republicans after the conventions. The Steelers and Ben Roethlisberger are healthy and getting better in a below average division. Ocho Stinko and the rest of the criminal minded Bengals along with the overrated Browns/Clowns become the also rans here. The Ravens' D with Ray "gunner" Lewis are getting older than dirt and will ride out the season looking for the 09 draft by mid-October.

The AFC South as always is about as boring as a John McCain speech on taxes. The competition will be better this year with "Peyton Place" Manning limping into the season off a knee injury and throwing like a freshman in high school. The Jags could end the Colts' reign at the top of this division. The Fightin' Titans along with the Texans have about as much chance as Ron Paul does in the November election.

The Wild AFC West looks to be back to old times with Shanahan's Broncs and Jay "cut the cake" Cutler leading the way. The Bolts were supposed to take this division but with Shawne "roid rage" Merriman out for the season and Norv "I wish I could coach without Jimmy Johnson" Turner at the top, it just ain't gonna happen. The Chiefs and the Traders, long time AFC stalwarts, are so bad Notre Dame could give them a run for their money. Sad what has happened to these two storied franchises.

The NFC
Well as much as I hate to say it the NFC has the Lombardi, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile. In the NFC East the Gints with everyone trying to knock them off will do 8 wins at best. Eli "I wish I had an arm like my brother" Manning will find out the hard way how fast New York fans turn. The division is a toss up between the upstart Eagles and the Cowpokes. Despite the antics of Jessica Simpson and T.O. the Boys should get this division. Their last game of the season at the Linc in Philadelphia will be a fun one to watch.

The Norris/NFC North seems to have its share of old rivals going hard at it in the muck and mire this fall. I like the Pack and Aaron Rodgers to finish atop of the division with the Bears a close second. The Lions with Jon "Kitty Cat" Kitna looked horrible vs. Hotlana in the opener and the Vikes may battle it out for a 4 win season.

In the NFC South the Tampa "boring" Bucs are supposed to win here, but I'm going with my sleeper pick Carolina. Tampa somehow got in the playoffs and were ousted by the Gints in the first round. They did nothing in the offseason so a healty Jake Delhomme for the Panthers with Steve Smith coming back in week 3 should win this in a laugher. Hotlanta's Matt Ryan had a good first game against the Lions in week 1. Let's see how long his honeymoon lasts when the leaves fall in November.

In the NFC "not the best" West, who knows and who cares. The Seahawks are the obvious pick here. The division is about as weak as a Larry King marriage. I think put 11 Larrys out there and you may have a game with the Rams or the Niners. The Cards from Burning Arizona could sneak into a wildcard spot if the wide outs hold the ball and not bumble it in big games down the stretch.

Well there you have it. Go PATS, Go ND, Go PHILS! And I still hate Howard Eskin. See you at the Princeton games this fall!

— Johnny "Football Rules" Maz

see previous article