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Preseason Skinny for the 2005 Season"The boys of autumn are ready to march, like solders they line up for battle, they grind their teeth, they pound their fists at the enemy before them, soon the howling begins in the trenches." John Facenda, the voice of NFL films, echoes in the background every year at this time. Time to reap what you have sown in the spring, time to prepare for winter's chill, time for school, time to relive your youth on those lazy autumn Sundays of yesteryear.
Sometimes I wonder where the time went. It seems like just yesterday that I was pretending to be Larry Brown of the Redskins or Joe Willie White Shoes for the Jets. Ah yes, to relive those glory days of grammar school and early high school (life before girls), but there is a new era, a new dynasty, a new wave of teams and fans. So here we go. Kickoff is Thursday, September 8 on ABC, with the Rolling Stones as a warm up. How can this sport get any better? (It can't, that's why it's this country's favorite.)
The NFC
Well, like last year we will get the diaper league stuff out of the way first. The Beagles/Eagles are still the class of the NFC East and this conference, which is about as exciting as watching paint dry. However, the TO show this August took some wind out of the Beagles' sails, and they may find their way to a wildcard berth. "Eli's Coming" (Three Dog Night song), and the Giants could surprise some folks. The Cowboys and the Deadskins wind up this division of pretenders (Chrissie Hynde's band notwithstanding).In the NFC Norris/North, well this division has about as much juice in it as a John Roberts' hearing along the boring beltway. Wake up guys, the last good team there was the '96 Packers, led by Reggie White. Brent Favre should win this one with some noise from the Vikes.
In the NFC South, we have some teams they may contend for the Beagles/Eagles George Halas trophy. I like Carolina with Jake the Snake II. (The first snake was Kenny "The Snake" Stabler from the Raiders.) If he and the rest of the Panthers can stay healthy and not end up like a MASH unit from Iraq, they should win this division. However, never count out those Bucs/Ducks from Tampa. Jon Gruden and rookie Cadillac Williams may return to their Super Bowl form of the 2002 season. Of course Michael Vick and the other Birds, south of the Mason-Dixon Line can win this division if he can stay on the field. I feel for the hapless Saints/Aints, Jim Haslett's team of nomads will be forced to play a home game at the Meadowlands. What's Paul Tagliabue thinking about? A Saints' home game in NYC? Hello, Paul?! This is worse then clueless Bud Selig's tie in the 2002 All Star Game.
In the NFC West (which has to be as weak as the Jamaican Bobsled Team in the Olympic Winter Games) this year will probably end up with the Seahawks winning with a record of 8-8. Just nothing there: the Cards, with Kurt "Pop" Warner, Niners have 1st pick rookie QB. Means nothing, and Rams/Slams may contend with Marc Bulger at the helm. Heck, toss a coin on this division.
The AFC
Now for the real league: the AFC. Let's see, the Patriots won the Super Bowl the past 2 years, and 3 out of 4. Hard to believe in this era of free agency, contracts, high priced rookies, contract agents. Not for ESPY winner Bill Belichick, he just goes in the lab, figures it all out and takes it to the field. In losing both coordinators, both middle linebackers, and shutdown corner Ty Law (no more Law and Order on the Pats) this year will be his greatest challenge. But like Stephen A. Smith said, "Quite frankly they have Tom Brady, that's all you need." Nice quote. The Pats will raise the World Champion flag on September 8, and hey it may be the last one, but now they proved to the world that "We were right, and they were wrong" (Bill Clinton quote) that the power of TEAM is its fans. Go Pats and win another AFC East division title in 2005!In the AFC South we have Jeff Fisher, Air McNair and those Titans. Even Dom Capers with his Texans (GW Bush has nothing to do with this team) and Jack Del Rio's Jags will play near or above .500. But all will have to deal with the Colts/Jolts. It's the glamour pick of the AFC, with Corey "Simple" Simon on the D-line and there's still "Peyton Place" Manning. They can win their first conference title barring injury.
In the AFC North I look to the Ravens again to win this division. They have a Ray Lewis defense and will be tested early vs. the Jolts in the opener. The Steelers look tough as well but need to play and win with a sophomore jinx looming over QB Ben Roethlisberger from Findly(?) Ohio.
In the AFC West, Randy is dandy in Oakland, but I'm going with the Bolts to win behind Drew "Summer" Brees. The Chiefs and Broncos have too many holes in special teams and defense to play with the Raiders and Bolts.
Well, see you at playoff time when the boys of autumn get to their second season.
— Johnny "Prime Time" Maz
