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Preseason Skinny for the 2004 Season

Hello again everyone on martytown.com, my favorite place to shop, buy, sell, and just generally poke fun. It's football season again! Thank God, I was very depressed to see the Americans play basketball in the Olympics like a team from Greenland. Well, time to get on to the next sport, America's favorite (baseball fan G.W. Bush not withstanding).

The AFC
As all of you read in my playoff version 2003, I thought the Pats had a chance if they stayed healthy, and like a marathon runner from Kenya they did. Thus here come the Pats.As much as I hate to see all the preseason hype on how good my boys are this year with key additions Corey Dillon and Rosevelt Colvin (played 5 quarters last year) to solidify an already solid team.

Well I'm going against conventional wisdom here and picking the Jets to win the AFC East with the Pats as the wildcard. The Not Yets have gotten one year stronger with Chad and Curtis, Rookie LaMont (not from Sanford and Son) Jordan will spell the slasher Martin on first or second downs. The rest of the East is a mixed bag of gray beards and also rans. No Ricky, no playoffs, and the Bills are more overrated then a Gallup Poll in September.

In the AFC West I have to go with the Chiefs. With a defense that had more down numbers than Kerry after the Republican National Convention, Defensive Coordinator Gunther Cuttingham will make this a great D in the West. I know everybody loves the Raiders this year but they still have to get over a horrible loss to the Tampa Bay Bucs two years ago. I see Denver without Clinton Portis, chasing the Chiefs all the way till 2005 when we have a new or old President running the show in D.C.

In the AFC South it's a dogfight to see who can top the Colts. Manning is ready to make a run for the bowl. The Titans with co-MVP Steve McNair at the helm will take this race to January where both teams should be in the playoffs. The Jags/ Bags and the Texans (sorry Commander-in-Chief) will fight for five wins at best in the South.

In the AFC North the big news is Deion "Prime Time" Sanders coming to the Ravens. Well guess what, this guy was softer then the Pillsbury Doughboy when he was playing, if he lasts till October. I'll be shocked. The Ravens and the Steelers are the class here with the three-headed monster of receivers the Steel Curtain now possesses: Ward, Plaxico, and El.

The NFC
Then we have the Diaper league also know as the NFC. The beast is still the Eagles/Beagles in the NFC East. The Deadskins and Cowgirls will be running behind the Eagles like the way the rest of the world ran in back of the US in the 4 x 400 relay team. The Giants with Eli will finish with four wins at best. I knew Archie, and believe me Eli is no Archie Manning.

In the NFC West, which is the weakest division in the conference, I like the Seahawks to fly away with this shabby division of nobodies. The Rams are the darlings of this division but with that defense that has more holes in in then a Swiftboat campaign against Kerry, I'm stickin' with the Hawks.

In the NFC Norris/North, which is yet another division that is as weak as Kerry's bounce after the DNC, I have to stay with Veteran Brett Favre and the Pack. Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my! Well no tigers but you get my point. Culpepper, Moss and Co. should rebound over that horrible finish last year that knocked them out of the playoffs on the last day of the season vs. the Cards — yeah the Cards.

Finally in the NFC South, which is the class of this conference, I like the Panthers and the Falcons to fight this one out. If Vick stays healthy (and that's a big if) he could go all the way to the title game. Just two years removed from the bowl, the Bucs will be there when the rain from Frances, Ivan, Charley ends in December.

— Johnny "Prime Time" Maz

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